Language Registers: Who am I and if so, how many?

A few weeks ago, I was waiting for the Tram and had a ball, listening to two eight-year old boys having their semi-philosophical discussion. This is how it went:

Bro Dude, what time?

Dude Bro, dunno, my old lady grounded my cell phone.

Bro Dude, ol man, your producer is cringeworthy. She should chill!

Dude Yeah, Sod's law.

Bro Bro, what's our side quest? Gaming or chilling?

Dude Can't dude, have to pick up lil'sis from KG.

Bro Man, fat-boi, the chick is NPC. Yolo!

Dude Right said Fred. But I need my device back. It's my Roman Empire.

Bro Hell no, dude, that would alter your brain chemistry!

Dude Yepp. Tram horizoning!

Bro See you later, alligator.

Dude In a while pengodile.

Parents on the Brink of Collapsing Communication

In case you haven't understood a word, you are in good company: Even native speakers in any language despair when hearing their offspring's youth slang. It's probably best to put together some sort of Wiktionary and update it seasonally, for todays buzzwords are cold coffee by tomorrow.

Linguists call teenage slang a language register and the dialogue your read can be adjusted to, let's say, your age and situation, and would sound something like this if you would talk to your best friend:

BFF Morning, love, how late?

You No idea, old sport, the baby has run off with my phone.

BFF Your toddler is quite something, it seems! 'Bout time she learned some manners!

You Agreed.

BFF So, what's the plan for the afternoon? Binchwatching or couching?

You Neither nor, have to collect my baby girl from Kindergarden.

BFF Are you for real?! Can't she find the way home on her own? Relax and take five!

You Loved to, but else the phone won't find me.

BFF Well, that would be apocalyptic.

You Right you are. Why, there's my tram.

BFF Well, then... Take care, love.

You You, too.

The Cringeworthy Language of the Adults

Understood silch? Again?! Well, I'm afraid we adults aren't any better than our little ones, are we now? We, too, use a language register with our friends and our language register, too, is peppered with insider vocabulary, buzzwords, and phrases that adults think are cool and trendy, while their kids find them embarrassing or cringeworthy at best.

Get Serious, Please!

At work, that's for sure, you wouldn't get away with this kind of talk. There, the conversation - again, adapted to the situation and the participants - might sound like this:

Ms DeWinter Ms Summer, forgive me for asking, but would you be so kind as to tell me what time it is?

Ms Summer I am really sorry, Ms DeWinter, but unfortunately my youngest daughter has gotten hold of my cell phone this morning.

Ms DeWinter You don't say! Your little one seems to be rather clever, isn't she?

Ms Summer There you are quite right, I guess.

Ms DeWinter Well then, what is the plan for the afternoon? Do we need to have another meeting or will we go on with our project?

Ms Summer Well, to be honest, I would be very grateful if today I could leave early, for I need to pick up my daughter at Kindergarten, you see?

Ms DeWinter Oh, yes, you are quite right, it is Wednesday, isn't it? What a pity though that your will not be here for Carl's goodbye-saying party. We expect it to be lovely.

Ms Summer I am certain, it will be, however, if I don't pick up the little one, I probably won't ever see my cell phone again.

Ms DeWinter You are quite right there, Ms Summer. That would be most inconvenient, would it not?

Ms Summer I couldn't agree more with you. Why, my tram is coming in a minute, I better get going right away.

Ms DeWinter Well, I do wish you a lovely afternoon, Ms Summer. Looking forward to see you back here tomorrow morning.

Ms Summer And I wish you a lovely party, Ms DeWinter. I hope, you will enjoy yourselves just fine.

Welcome Back to School

Well, you've probably understood this a lot better now, did you not? Sounds like a dialogue in one of my old English grammar books. A little formal, a little stiff perhaps, but accomplishing a professional tone. Yet another language register, this time for an office environment where soft skills, politeness and respect are used to build trusting work relationships and promote team harmony.

Everyone Deserves an Oscar!

And so, there are countless language registers that we use day in day out, because in our complex modern lives there are countless relationships, situations and occasions and for each and every one we must slip into another role, wearing another hat, just like actors do: Sometimes we are parents, other times superiors, sometimes customers, other times we talk to the police, then again to the dog, sometimes we call the helpline of a big warehouse, then again our mother-in-law. And each time we use a different language, a different vocabulary even and yes, sometimes a different grammar, who would have thought?

Dress for Success, Speak Language Registers for Trust-based Relationships

So, if you learn a new language, you start at the beginning, which means you will first learn a simple standard register that sounds somewhat sterile and technical, even a little lifeless. But from learning level B1 onwards, mastering language registers become increasingly important, for you have to be able to behave appropriately in different situations and relationships using the new language.

Where is the Station? - The Tip of the Iceberg

As you can see: The exchange of information is only a small part of what languages are capable of and have to accomplish on a daily basis. If you, as a German beginner, still enjoy leniency of your superiors, when asking for the time in the blunt way of a beginner, you will be praised simply for at least trying to speak German and accomplish a sentence like: "What time is it?" or "Where is the station?".

However, after a year in a semi-German team, you are expected to ask the same question with all the soft skill add-ons, just like you would do it in your mother tongue: "Forgive me for asking, but could you please tell me, what time it is?" Or in German: "Bitte, entschuldigen Sie, könnten Sie mir vielleicht sagen, wie spät es ist?" And it is the privilege of your boss to answer extremely briefly: "Five. Time to call it a day."

How Many Peas in the Jar?

Yes, time to call it a day. You may now spend a sleepless night thinking: "Who am I and if so, how many?" And when you're done counting your identities and at last you know the number of all your different social roles, you will also know the number of arguments to learn German and developing an appetite for language registers in order to strengthen you social contacts and be a great team contributor.

Since I am constantly dealing with language registers both as a theater director and as an author, I will promise you that at German live! we will have a lot of fun learning language registers together. So, you won't be surprised if you will encounter language registers in the auditive section of the TELC test. You will just shrug your shoulders and say to yourself: "LOL, know this, done that."